“What do you have against the public school system?”

It’s the sort of question homeschoolers report receiving in stores, at the Thanksgiving dinner table, while pumping gas… In this case, it was in the hot tub at my health club.

He prefaced the question by explaining that public education “was sort of a family business,” with relatives working as teachers and administrators. When he found out that I teach homeschoolers, and homeschooled my own children, that question was his response.

What do I have against the public school system?

I can’t answer for all homeschoolers, but I can certainly answer for myself:

I have nothing against the public school system

My husband and I were both educated in fine public schools. We had planned to send our children to our neighborhood public schools, and tried very hard to do so. But a variety of issues got in our way.

Like America’s founders, I believe that a healthy, robust public school system is essential to our democracy. That said, public schools can’t do it all.

All public schools are not equal

Our first foray away from public school, I have to admit, had something to do with convenience and a lot to do with environment. Our local school’s kindergarten program, at the time we looked at it, was overcrowded and uninspired.

It also started at 7:42 in the morning, and I had a baby. Frankly, I didn’t want to have to get a sleepy child to school at 7:30.

I won’t apologize for what we did: We bought our older child a really cool year of climbing trees and playing in the mud at an experiential learning school on an old farm. It didn’t end up being the school for us long term, but at the time, its relaxed schedule and lack of kindergarten academics suited us just fine.

Later in our children’s school years we avoided our local public schools for other reasons. Our high school didn’t offer the college-level math, science, and computer science that one of my kids wanted. It didn’t offer a band program for my other student. Because we have the resources (and I understand that not everyone does) we chose homeschool for one of the kids and a different public high school for the other.

Not every public school is equipped to handle every child

When my younger child was in preschool, it became clear that we were facing some difficult developmental issues. No diagnosis seemed to fit. School environments exacerbated the problems. Everyone we consulted with had the same advice: avoid public school special education for this child.

First we tried a little private kindergarten in a cabin in the redwoods. That failed. Then we tried homeschool. That succeeded. Our public schools just weren’t set up for our child’s needs at that time.

Not every child is right for public school

When my older child joined us in homeschooling, it was because he was very advanced and self-motivated in some areas and completely uninterested in others. In school, he would have been a mediocre student. In homeschool, he was a star. Eventually, he caught up in his lagging areas and he’s now a successful college student.

In school, he’d been frustrated that he didn’t have time to follow his passions. Once he had that time, he was more willing to address other areas of learning in a more gentle fashion.

Not every family needs to follow the same path

Traditional public education emphasizes following standards. In all seriousness, an adult once asked me how my children were going to be able to be educated if they didn’t follow California public schools’ standard of studying the mission system in fourth grade.

Maybe you think the answer is obvious, but for that parent it wasn’t. The possibility that a family could study missions at a different age, or not study missions at all, didn’t occur to her. Lest that seem a bit ridiculous, it’s important to remember that standards weren’t based on how children actually learn. They were based on how children were traditionally taught. My children are now extremely well-educated, though neither of them studied missions in fourth grade or memorized their times tables in third.

(I will add that neither my husband nor I, both raised in other states, knew much about California missions until we moved here!)

And by the way, homeschoolers can attend public school

We did, in fact, use the public school system throughout our homeschooling years. In our county, we are fortunate to have a healthy slate of alternative public school options!

Freedom of choice is as American as the Constitution

Freedom of choice is firmly embedded in the founding of this country. Our founding documents inspired governments and revolutions around the world for a simple reason: Freedom of choice—control over your religion, your body, who you associate with, what you do for a living—is fundamentally important.

Of course we all support reasonable limits on choices. We don’t allow parents to abuse children, but we do allow reasonable discipline. We don’t allow murder, but we do allow doctors not to continue life-prolonging treatments. We shouldn’t allow educational neglect, but we do allow a certain amount of freedom of choice in how our children are educated.

Education is a balancing act

We start with a baby, and if we’re lucky, we send a fully functioning adult out into the world. But there are many ways to get from the beginning to the desired end result.

Homeschooling is just one way to balance our children’s needs with the opportunities available to us. Homeschooling is not for everyone, and it won’t solve all the world’s problems.

But the freedom to choose homeschooling improves children’s lives, and I believe it can strengthen our public schools as well.

More about homeschooling

Gifted Kids: The disconnect between input and output

…and what you can do about it

It’s hard to educate a child who is profoundly asynchronous, as many gifted children are. While a young gifted child may have a high school level vocabulary, they may struggle to hold a pencil. And the disconnect becomes even more pronounced as the child grows and seems to become more mature. When a child can read and discuss a history text at a high level, we expect that they should also be able to write an essay at the same level. However, it’s an unusual gifted child of 10 years old that can write a coherent essay; even more unusual for a 10-year-old to want to write a coherent essay.

My students’ parents have been asking me this question for years: How can I accelerate my child’s writing to match their analytical abilities? My answer is a multi-step one. Hopefully this will be helpful both for homeschooling parents who are frustrated with their child’s writing output, and school parents whose children are being held back from accessing classes they seem ready for.

1) A disconnect between input and output is completely normal for gifted kids

For homeschooling families, this can seem like a personal struggle. You may not notice other homeschooled kids having similar difficulties, but the fact is, it’s extremely common (within our uncommon demographic), and will require some patience on your part.

If your student is in school, you may be frustrated that educators generally understand little about gifted children and may use this disconnect as “proof” that your child isn’t gifted. It certainly isn’t proof that your child isn’t gifted; however, it may be evidence that your child is not mature enough yet to access advanced courses which require high-level output.

2) Forcing gets the wrong result

One of the first instincts when homeschoolers and teachers sense a lagging skill is to push on it. However, issues of asynchronous development don’t go away if you push on them—they tend to be exacerbated. Especially in writing, it’s important to remember that good writing never comes from being forced. Students need to develop fluency in writing things they want to write before they can be challenged to write academically.

3) Focus on success

I borrowed my “focus on success” approach from teachers in Special Education. They have to accept that some of their students will never be able to function at a high level, so it doesn’t make sense to focus on the things these kids can’t do. Instead they focus on making the kids feel successful at the things they can do, then work on improving their lagging skills as best they can.

How this translates to gifted kids is that if you focus on the lagging areas too much, the kids start to think of themselves as having a problem to be addressed. Then they start to think that the problem “defines” them and they may start to try to avoid confronting it. Especially if they are perfectionists, which is common in gifted kids, they start to shy away from “working on” the “problem” because they don’t feel successful at it. Then they develop a block, and once that happens, you have a lot more work to do to get back to the place where they can work on their skills.

4) Remember that maturity is important

Our gifted kids can seem so mature, but that’s only because certain parts of their brains are developed beyond what is expected for their biological age. The other parts of their brain show age-appropriate (and sometimes lower) development. In some areas of education, you simply have to have the patience to wait for maturity to happen. As long as your child is progressing and is happy and healthy, you probably have nothing to worry about. Waiting for maturity is the right approach, as frustrating as it can be. (The exception is if your child is indicating the presence of a disability such as dyslexia or dysgraphia. In that case, you need professional help.)

There is nowhere I have noticed the importance of maturity more than in developing academic writing skills. Even my best, most fluent creative writers balk at writing essays before they are mature enough to see the need for them. Sometimes the change is almost as sudden as flipping a switch: A child who refused to do any academic writing is suddenly a teen who writes, edits, and takes pride in a serious academic essay. Sometimes the process is slow—and it often happens too late for the comfort of parents and teachers.

5) Input almost always develops before output

I have heard of kids who love to write before they can read, but this is extremely unusual and not necessarily something you should want. Avid young readers who resist academic writing are simply not ready for it, and pushing them won’t help. If input is what they are enjoying, and if their output is keeping pace with their biological age, then you’re doing fine.

6) Adapt as much as you can so input progresses while output develops naturally with maturity

While you are waiting for maturity, you can help foster a love of writing by not pushing writing assignments that are meaningless to them. As long as writing is meaningful, most students will want to do it. Read “Approaching Formal Writing” for tips on how to work on writing skills in age-appropriate ways.

As I explain in my article “Adapting Curriculum,” there are many ways outside of formal writing to continue to engage with advanced materials while not expecting advanced output. For example, if you are reading college-level literature, you can:

  • Have lots of verbal discussions about the book
  • Make it social by taking part in a book group
  • Make creative projects based on the book—visual art, videos, creative writing, comics
  • Ask your child to dictate their ideas while you type or use dictation software
  • Watch movie adaptations and do comparative analysis
  • Go on field trips related to the book’s subject

You can do these sorts of activities for pretty much any subject. Don’t discount the importance of creative output in demonstrating a child’s understanding of a text—this is a natural way for children to interact with their studies.

7) Be patient and realize that much of maturity is biological

No matter how advanced our kids are intellectually, they are still, like all of us, one with their biology. In time, their bodies will grow, their hormones will mature, and it will all sync up. Remaining patient and trusting the process is one of the greatest challenges in parenting gifted children. We need to keep our eyes on the goal: producing happy, healthy, productive adults.


My “Teaching Writing” series:

The way we do it

Until recently, pretty much every mention I found of homeschooling in the mainstream press looked nothing like what we do at our house. Or nothing like people I know do at their houses. And definitely not like what the homeschoolers I know do when they’re out of the house, which is in general a significant piece of their time. According to the popular press, we were separatist religious fanatics or hippies raising our children like wolves.

Recently, however, I’ve seen a few pinpoints of light out there in the dismal mainstream world. Two of them come from Quinn Cummings, who is apparently famous as a child actor (since I ignore popular culture her name was meaningless to me!). Her message, however, was the one I’d been hoping to see in the popular press: Homeschoolers are choosing a valid form of education that is different from school, but most of us are neither separatist religious fanatics nor hippies raising our children like wolves.

Cummings has put out a book, which I haven’t read, and in the process of publicizing it she has made us rather invisible homeschoolers more visible. In the Wall Street Journal, she not only presents her own reason for homeschooling but also gives people a sense of what is a much more important thing in homeschooling: the hybrid ways of learning that most of our kids are involved in. On the Diane Rehm Show, she necessarily had to stay more personal, but she pushed back nice and hard against the really yawn-inducing questions (as far as homeschoolers are concerned) of socialization and how well former homeschoolers integrate with other kids.

Today EdWeek, an education industry publication, published “Hybrid Homeschools Gaining Traction,” a story about homeschooling that is much more familiar to me and the other homeschoolers I know. Though Cummings mentioned “outschooling” as an option in homeschooling, she still answered questions like “how can you teach your daughter math when you are math-phobic?” with traditional homeschooling solutions—in that case, her husband does the teaching.

Of course, sharing the responsibilities of homeschooling happens all the time in homeschools, and it’s a great part of why one of our local homeschooling programs is called Alternative Family Education. Homeschoolers are all about making learning a family affair.

But the reality for most of the families I know is that what we call “home”schooling would be better called—as people I know do—”custom schooling” or “a la carte schooling” or “cooperative learning.” The EdWeek article hits this nail right on the head, and also the article’s very existence is noteworthy: The only “related story” they could find on EdWeek was published in 2008! If that’s not proof that the education establishment has been ignoring a tidal wave, I don’t know what is.

This is not the sort of tidal wave that is going to gather everything into it and destroy everything else in its path. This is the sort of slow-moving wave that is already changing education, though most of the people in the educational establishment are “blissfully” ignorant.

I use the quotes because they only think they’re blissful. They have been ignoring us and it’s been serving them just fine, or so they think. We are educated parents, people who often went to public schools ourselves. We are people who support the concept of education for everyone. But we are people who know that it’s being done all wrong. And we have found that we can’t vote at the ballot box—Republicans and Democrats are largely unified in their ignorance over what public education should be.

So we’ve taken the vote to the streets. We are leaving schools—both public and private—and looking for something else. We’re looking for an educational world in which, when a teacher doesn’t mesh with a particular learner, you simply find a different teacher. We are looking for an educational world in which a kid who studies algebra at the age of 9 is just as comfortable as a kid who’s not ready for algebra till 16. We’re looking for an educational world in which knitting, map-making, and storytelling are as respectable to study as math and science.

And—EdWeek readers will be surprised to hear this—we have found that world. It’s homeschooling, and whatever we don’t find out there for our kids we are busy creating. It’s a tidal wave because there is no way that our experiences are not going to create fundamental change in education. The blissful establishment has been put on notice by one of their own publications that people are starting to notice what we’re doing.

Outschooling, custom schooling, a la carte schooling, unschooling, cooperative learning, family education, life learning… Whatever you call it, that’s what we’re doing.

Our kids are learning, they’re doing great on standardized tests (though we don’t really care about that), and best of all, they’re doing great at life, which is what we care about most of all.

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